There‘s a fear deep-rooted within each of one
of us, in our collective nature, against which nothing immunizes us; the fear
of dying. Not just the fear of dying as an accepted fate and a termination of
our physical lives, nor the incomprehensibility of much beyond that end, but
the fear of being disgraced by our fellows and abandoned by our families
because our existence does not result anymore of a necessity. The dread of
dying alone.
The Shakespearean “To be or not to be”. It is the quite reasonable
“not to be” which may accompany the approach of death, that causes
true terror for most. Or “to be”, but as a burden, a repulsive
subject. When witnessing old age from a distance, individuals suppress their
own unconscious dread of feeling like they ceased to exist while existing
still.
Gaston Bachelard, a recognized
epistemologist said, “Death is primarily an image. It remains an image. It
may not be otherwise unless it expresses itself and it can only express itself
by metaphors because nobody can speak of it on grounds of experience. “
Throughout the world, on a daily basis, we are faced with death. The death of
loved ones, the death of foreign martyrs, that of friends, neighbors or
colleagues. We interact with the mourners. It is often then we realize that how
one dies makes the entire difference, to the dying person and to survivors,
left to their sorrow and grief. The dread of any dying person is solitude more
than the finality of his journey towards oblivion. How can we subdue our
own fear and support such vulnerable individuals before the impending
transition that approaches? How can we offer them the tools to tame and
overcome fear? Unfortunately, such humane training is not taught in
schools.
We have not yet found the adequate words to comfort those who find
themselves closest to this rendezvous. Will we be able transform our own
misgivings and rid ourselves of the myths to finally alleviate those who wait
in unpleasant anticipation, unable to dodge it? Such myths interfere
concurrently with our acceptance and our ability to show commiseration and
humanity. We accept them as truths without dwelling on their roots. Death can
be seen as a failure, the patient has not fought strong enough against his
illness; a reimbursement of fate to someone who wouldn’t stop smoking! Death
seems an enemy that always “triumphs”! Such scary notions are often
refuted by people who have had “Near Death Experiences” (NDE).
To cut short such extensive rantings, I shall just say that many elderly
maintain that for their wellbeing and tranquility, it take as little as to be
listened to, to be touched, and to obtain of those around them the right to
leave in peace!